Thursday, July 16, 2009

Shaking Organs

In this path to publishing there are some definite moments when my internal organs begin to quake. I'm a relatively brave girl, but there's something about sending out my precious ideas into the cold calculating hands of complete strangers that makes me sick to my stomach. On the outside of course I am a rock of confidence as I carefully research each agent and prepare the query letter. And then the moment comes to click the ominous little 'send' button and I wonder what I have done.

The first round of querries was exciting--full of possiblities. The second round of suggested agents proved promising with a request to read my chapters. Then the rejections came and the promise only made the fall harder to bear.

So this time as I sent out yet another selective round of querries to some of the top agents in the country, my stomach began to clench and I found that I was gritting my teeth. When my jaw began to ache, I called it quits. Now I'm waiting for the replies and I'm cursing the auto-replies in my inbox that two of the agents were out of town for the weekend and returned on Monday only to be silent so far this week.
Just remember that walking a lonely trail comes with moments of quiet joy and then the moments when your internal organs begin to quiver like they are preparing to burst forth in a gruesome show.
I plan to keep on moving until I get back to the next quiet moment of joy.


  1. Just remember that most of those people aren't calculating. They're professionals who want to find books they think will be as much a success for the agency as for the author. When the right agent (the one who will be able to promote and sell your manuscript as much as possible) reads your story, you'll be set to go. Don't let it make you sick. Just start writing your next book. Don't waste a minute holding your breath. It will be detrimental to your creativity and, ultimately, your happiness.

  2. I hate this whole process, vicariously speaking of course.

  3. It's definitely hard to have your work judged, but anything in an arts-related field is a tough business. It's very competitive. Just think of all the actors who've been told they're "wrong for the part" or the artists whose paintings were deemed amateurish.

    American Idol is a good example - there are a lot of good singers who don't make it as far as some pretty bad ones because, from a producer's standpoint, they need a mix to make the show interesting.

    I agree with Kirk in that you can't internalize it and take it too personally. Writing is very subjective. Continue to create for reasons other than wanting to be published - for the enjoyment of it, the therapy of it, or whatever else makes you want to write. Keep your eye on your goal, but don't let it eat you up.

  4. Haters SUCK. Haters are like a Japanese house made out of paper, and your writing is a big huge American truck, and you can drive right through that and keep doing what you do like nobody's business. It's all subjective, my friend :-)

    PS I know they're not hating, I just use that as my subconscious term for people who don't love good writing :-)

  5. When your book is published and sitting on the shelf at Barnes and Noble, you'll look back at this and realize it all made you grow, in a completely character building and non-physical jutting stomach way.